Broken Heart
by chinocoop81
Summary: “Can I have directions?” She asked. “To where?” he asked tiredly. “Your heart.” RM AU One Shot


**A/N I've had this partially written for a couple of weeks and tonight as I watched the presidential polls, I tried to fight off the depression and nausea that came whenever I saw Obama was in the lead by writing, and this is what I ended up being inspired to write. I hope you guys enjoy this…I happen to love the pickup line used, and that's sort of my prompt for myself. I think it's pretty awesome to use…but anyways, R/R, enjoy! **

"Marissa, I can't do this anymore."

She heard the words, but didn't believe them. Jake always said that after they spent the night in bed together. He'd put on his pants and say that it was wrong, that they couldn't continue sneaking around like they were, and she'd nod and agree that he was probably right. Then he'd say that it wasn't fair to his girlfriend, or her best friend, that Summer was a great girl and she didn't deserve to be hurt by their lust. She'd nod and agree, but then they would look at each other, lean in for one last kiss, and then agree to call each other later so that they could set up some other time for another mind blowing night of hot, steamy sex.

"I know, Jake," she said, watching him put on his pants with a smile. They'd been sneaking around for four months now; four amazingly perfect months. She'd always had a crush on Jake Arnolds, but her best friend Summer had caught his attention first. Summer and Jake had been going out for over a year now and were supposedly strong, but one drunken night Marissa and Jake hooked up, leading to their current affair. She loved him, there was no denying it. Jake Arnolds was the only boy she'd ever loved and he told her that he loved her too, but he was afraid to hurt Summer, so they kept their affair a secret. "It doesn't change the way we feel though."

He sighed and buttoned up his shirt, turning to look at her. "Marissa…"

She shook her head and stood, tying the robe she was currently wearing. She reached him and wrapped her arms around his neck, offering him a pleasant smile. "I love you, Jake," She said, looking into his emerald green eyes.

He sighed and said, "I love you too, but this has gone on too far. We need to stop now, before it gets even worse."

"How much worse can it get?" She asked, raising her eyebrows. "Either way someone is going to get hurt…"

He ran a hand through his hair and nodded. "Exactly. I'd rather I be the one that gets hurt than Summer though. Just because we're selfish doesn't mean that she should be the one that pays, and you know that."

"Come on, Jake. We both know that you're not going to follow through with this…"

He shook his head and pulled her arms from around his neck. "No, I'm serious. This has to stop tonight, now…it's over."

She looked into his eyes and saw that he was dead serious. She stepped back like she'd been slapped. "So that's it? You're just going to sleep with me and then ditch me like that?"

"Don't be difficult."

She glared at him and sat down on her bed. "Get out."

"Marissa…" he said tiredly, letting out a long sigh.

"No, get out. Now." She turned from him and looked down at her hands.

She heard his voice call out, "I really do love you, but this is something that we've both known was going to happen for a long time…" She didn't turn and heard his footsteps shuffle out, followed by the sound of her front door opening and closing. She heard a car drive off and finally processed what had happened. Jake was gone. She crawled into a fetal position and began to cry.

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She tried not to show her emotions at school. Summer never even noticed that something was wrong. One day she was sitting under a tree reading when she saw someone sit right in front of her. He had blonde hair and blue eyes, much different than Jake's jet black hair and emerald green eyes. Where Jake's eyes looked like a gem, this boy's ones looked like the ocean. She shook the thoughts and stared at him blankly, asking with her eyes what he was doing there. He offered her a small, crooked smile and asked, "What's the worst pick up line you've ever heard?"

She gave him a bewildered stare. "Um…excuse me?"

He laughed, tilting his head back just the smallest bit. "You know those cheesy pick up lines? What's the worst you've ever heard?"

She still couldn't understand why he was talking to her. "I don't know…why?"

He didn't answer her question but instead said, "I think one of my favorites is where the guy goes up to a girl and asks, 'Can I have directions?' and then the girl asks, 'To where?' and the guy, thinking he's slick says, 'Your heart.'"

"Why are you telling me this?" She asked, finding this strange boy completely odd yet very interesting.

He shrugged, his eyes turning serious and analytical. "I always laugh at cheesy pick up lines, and you seemed like you could use a good laugh…"

She smiled just the smallest bit and said, "Well, thank you for you cheesy pick up line. Though it's kind of weird, the thought is very sweet."

He laughed and said, "You're welcome." His eyes burned into hers and she felt her cheeks flush red. Why was he looking at her that way? "So…what's your story?" He asked.

She shrugged and sighed, diverting her gaze to her hands. "I don't want to talk about it."

He remained silent for a few seconds and then said, "Well, do you think you'd like to have dinner with me and not talk about it? I'm told I'm quite the distraction sometimes."

She looked up into his eyes again, trying to measure how sincere he was. She saw no hidden motives, no lust stricken eyes, just a boy that was interested in a girl…a classic start for a relationship. She turned the idea over in her head and then nodded slightly, a small, shy smile on her face. "Um…sure…"

The boy grinned and stuck out his hand, "I'm Ryan Atwood."

She looked at the large hand before hers and then shook it. His grip was strong yet gentle and his hand was very warm and comforting. She suddenly felt like her skin was on fire and wanted to pull her hand away, but at the same time she didn't. "I'm Marissa Cooper," She said softly.

He pulled his hand back and offered her another smile. "So…the diner at seven?" She nodded and he stood, dusting his pants off. "See you tonight," he said and then walked away from her. Her eyes followed him as he left and she felt like some strong magnetic force was pulling her towards him. She restrained herself from following him, instead just sat there, wondering if her life had just changed.

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They had a great dinner together. She talked about her parents and younger sister, Kaitlin, while he talked about his past life in Chino and the way the Cohens had adopted him when he was a little kid after his mom overdosed on heroin when he was eight. After they ate they walked along the pier, their hands brushing every now and then. Walking next to him she was very aware of how close he was and every tiny move he made. She could even feel the heat radiating through his clothes and it made her slightly nervous. She'd never really felt this way with Jake. "So, did you have fun?" He asked her as they neared their cars, finally taking her hand into his.

He looked into her eyes and she felt like he was seeing straight to her very core. She nodded and smiled a little. "Yeah, it was great, thanks."

He smiled and said, "My pleasure." They both remained quiet, letting the comfortable silence settle over them. He looked down at his watch and said, "I have to go…the Cohens want me home…"

She nodded and said, "Okay." She didn't know what possessed her to ask the question, but before she knew it the words were spilling out of her mouth. "Can we do this again sometime?"

He grinned and shuffled his feet. "I think we can arrange that," he said. "I'll call you?" He asked, earning a nod. He leaned in, looking like he was about to kiss her. Her heart pounded hard in her chest as she waited for his lips to touch hers, but instead he moved his lips to the right and kissed her cheek softly. "Good night," he breathed, pulling back and opening her car door for her. She got in and nodded at him once again, too shaken up to say anything. She drove away, her mind unable to stop thinking about the blonde haired blue eyed boy that smelled of spice.

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Jake confronted her the next day. "What the hell are you doing?" he hissed at her.

She'd been confused. "I'm going to class…."

"No shit Sherlock, I meant what are you doing with that Atwood kid?" He asked her, his green eyes crazy and angry.

"I don't know, we went to dinner.." She said, shrugging like it was no big deal.

"Are you sleeping with him?" Jake asked, his voice a low growl. He cornered her in a corner of the library away from everyone.

She tried to shove him away, but he wouldn't budge. "Not that it's any of your business, but no, I'm not sleeping with him." She saw the way his shoulders relaxed and suddenly came up with a plan. "But I kind of like him, so you never know…"

He went rigid in front of her. "Don't you dare talk like that," he threatened, his eyes narrowing.

"I can do whatever with whomever I want," She pointed out. She smirked and said, "You're totally jealous."

"I am not," he said defiantly, his eyes flaring wildly.

She laughed softly and said, "You totally are, Jake." She pushed him away harder this time and walked away from him, leaving him staring at her. That's when she got the plan; she could make Jake jealous using Ryan. It wasn't like her and Ryan were serious or anything, so there was no problem. Nothing could go wrong.

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Her and Ryan had been going out for a week when he finally kissed her. It was out of the blue and it took her off guard, but there was no denying the sparks that flew the second his lips touched hers. They had been walking down the beach, his fingers intertwined with hers. "What's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?" He'd asked her curiously.

She'd shrugged and said, "I don't know…I really like sunsets…" She looked over at him and asked, "What about you?"

He'd smiled and before she knew it, his arms were around her waist and he was saying, "I'm staring at her," and then his lips were touching hers in the gentlest way. After a moment of shock, she still hadn't responded, so he pulled back and searched her eyes. "Is this…okay?" he asked nervously.

She smiled and nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Yeah…better than okay…" He grinned largely and leaned in to connect their lips, kissing her over and over again.

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After dating for a month, he invited her to dinner with his family. She'd never really met the Cohens before, so she was very nervous. He'd kissed her, erasing all her previous fears. He knew that whenever his lips moved over hers, she was like putty in his hands, and he used that to his advantage more often than not. He never took advantage of her per say, but whenever she seemed nervous or scared he'd just lean in to peck her lips and suddenly she couldn't form a coherent thought, much less worry about something.

They entered the house and he turned to her, his arms finding their way into a comfortable position around her body. "They're going to love you," he said, his eyes dancing. She felt her heart beat speed up as she stared at him, and immediately took his words for fact. This was Ryan and Ryan would never lie to her.

She was still using him to get to Jake, and that was really working, but sometimes she wondered if maybe she wasn't really using him to torture Jake anymore. She didn't know if when she looked at him, she was seeing someone that could potentially help her get what she thought she'd desired, or more of someone she could see herself staying with. Sometimes she wondered if maybe the way her heart sped up wasn't as normal as she thought it was, and the thoughts she had of Ryan late at night when nothing else could help her feel comfortable were more than just random, fleeting feelings.

The Cohens accepted her as part of their own. Kirsten smiled warmly and Sandy cracked a few jokes, but showed fatherly approval in her. Seth was Seth, and everyone seemed to be getting along just well. It wasn't the actual dinner or family part of that night that she remembered and replayed in her mind a million times afterwards. No, rather, it was what happened afterwards as Ryan dropped her off at home that really tugged at her heartstrings and made her realize that Ryan Atwood was and would always be something more than she'd originally planned.

"So, The Cohens loved you," he said, walking her up to her front door. He leaned her against her doorframe and leaned his face close to hers, searching her eyes happily.

She smiled softly and quietly said, "It was fun…a lot better than I hoped."

He smiled and said, "I told you not to worry, didn't I?" He leaned in and grazed his nose against hers, and murmured the words, "Don't you trust me?"

She wrapped her arms around his neck and quietly said, "Of course….more than anything…" Her eyes stared into his for a long moment before he tenderly pressed his lips against hers. Their kiss lasted a few minutes before she pulled back and blurted out, "I think I love you."

He stiffened for a second and she felt her heart start to shatter. "You…what?" He asked, his eyes looking completely confused.

She stared into the depths of his heart and quietly murmured, "I love you."

He remained silent for a long minute, the longest minute of her life, and then said, "I love you too."

Her heart soared, her stomach leaped, her lips lifted into an ecstatic smile. "You mean it? Really? You do?"

He nodded and smiled the smile that melted her heart and said, "Yes, I do. I love you."

She took his hand and laced their fingers together, then softly murmured, "My parents aren't home…" She raised her eyebrows and in the most seductive voice she could manage asked, "Do you want to come in?"

He raised his eyebrows and asked with his eyes if she was asking what he thought she was. She nodded and he said, "Yeah."

She smiled and led him up to her bedroom, her heart thudding hard in her chest. When they got there, she sat him down on her bed and he stared expectantly at her. "I love you," She said quietly, leaning in to kiss him lightly. After that, the rest is history.

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They made love every night. It was passionate and tender, heated yet slow, and the pleasure they both felt when it happened blew both of their minds. Marissa knew that whatever she'd had with Jake paled in comparison to what she had with Ryan now. They spent every spare minute with each other, their hands were always all over the other, and she honestly never wanted to let him go.

But then came the problem of Jake.

She was in the hall with Ryan one day, her hands in his front pockets pulling him closer to her, her lips searching his, when she suddenly heard, "You bastard!"

She didn't want to turn around, too lost in the moment with Ryan, so she continued her assault on his lips, and Ryan didn't protest. "Mmm…" She murmured when his lips moved to her neck. They very rarely comprehended the fact that they were in public where all eyes could watch their heated make out sessions.

Suddenly she felt something poke her and she groaned, then pulled away from Ryan. Her body turned to be met with Jake's intense stare, his eyes clouded with jealousy and…devotion? "Jake…" She said, running a hand through her slightly messy hair. She looked around to see all eyes on her, and then her own eyes fell upon Summer who was staring at her with tears streaming down her face. That's when she realized what was happening.

"Marissa, I…" Jake started to say, but she didn't want him to continue. She wanted to go back to kissing Ryan, not have to deal with all this extra stuff.

"Don't," She said, turning back to glance at Ryan who was staring at her in shock and confusion.

"You and him?" he asked quietly, his eyes suddenly very judgmental.

"Ryan, it was before I met you…" She clarified, trying to make him see that she would never cheat on him.

"But it was while he was dating Summer…" he thought out loud, realizing what she had done. He looked at her with new eyes and she suddenly felt the effect of what she'd done. "You had an affair with your best friend's boyfriend…" He said, looking behind her at Jake.

"Marissa, I want to be with you…" Jake said, putting his hand on the small of her back. While she used to feel some type of electricity at the small touch, now she felt nothing even remotely close.

"Jake," She pleaded, giving him a sad look. "This isn't the time."

"Maybe it is," Ryan butted in. He leaned against his locker and crossed his arms over his chest. "I want to hear what the guy has to say."

Jake stared down Ryan and rolled his eyes, then looked back at Marissa. "I love you, Marissa. I know that what you were doing with this guy was just to get back at me for choosing Summer, but I don't want to be with her anymore…I want you. I need you.."

"Jake.." She said, feeling her heart break for the guy in front of her.

"No, I know I hurt you, and I know that you should never forgive me, much less be with me again, but I want you to know that I want to be with you, and if you let me, I'll show you what me and you together could be like….how great we could be.." He got down on his knees and took both of her hands in his, kissing her knuckles slightly. Suddenly she remembered how she fell for him in the first place.

"Is it true?" She heard a different voice ask, one that still managed to make her stomach flutter.

"Is what true?" She asked quietly, looking over at him, Jake still holding her hands.

"That you dated me to get back at him. Is it true? Is that all I was to you?" He asked, his eyes holding betrayal and anger.

"It doesn't matter," She said, barely a whisper. "I love you now, and that's all that should matter, not my past, but our future…together…"

She pulled her hands from Jake's clutches and grabbed a hold of one of his. He jumped back and yanked his hand from hers, almost as if she'd physically hurt him. "As far as I see it, there is no future for us. I can't deal with your lies, but I really can't deal with your reasons for being with me." He glared at Jake, then her, and said, "I hope you guys are happy, you really deserve each other."

He started to walk away, but she came up behind him and said, "Ryan, don't leave me. I'm sorry, please, I just…don't…."

He stopped but didn't turn to face her. "No, Marissa, you don't." And then he walked out of her life.

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She didn't know where he went, just registered the fact that he was gone. For months she kept telling herself he'd show up at school one day and she'd apologize and everything would go back to the way it used to be, or at least close to it. He'd take her into his arms and love her until she couldn't remember a time when he hadn't loved her. They'd spend hours on end in bed and still they would continue to love each other fiercely, trying to make up for lost time. She told herself this everyday, but as time left, so did her hopes that Ryan would ever come back to her again.

She tried to go to the Cohen house once, but no one would talk to her. She'd hurt their son, and they couldn't forgive her, even though she knew they wanted to. She at least wanted to know he was safe, and they said he was, and that his absence had nothing to do with her, just a family issue. So she pondered what that meant, and after a long time her life fell into a routine without him.

She applied and got accepted to Berkeley. It was a place her and Ryan had briefly discussed, and she thought it would be a good idea if she applied. When she got accepted, she was thrilled. Maybe she could hold up her end of the dream. Maybe what Ryan had taught her was not about being with someone, but learning to be confident enough in herself to last on her own. Maybe that's what she had needed all along. If you really thought about it, jumping from Jake to Ryan wasn't exactly a great move on her part; it never gave her a chance to grow on her own. Now that she'd lost both of them, she was stronger for having survived on her own.

She was walking one day on campus when something caught her eye. She looked off into the distance and saw sandy blonde hair that seemed so familiar. The build of the body reminded her of long hours at night, and suddenly she knew what she had to do. As she reached him, he looked up at her and their eyes caught, blue on blue, the only difference that his were hard, and hers were soft. "Can I have directions?" She asked, remembering when they first met.

He sighed, looked down, and then back up at her. "To where?" he asked tiredly.

She bit her lip, contemplated on whether she should just back away now. "Your heart," She said quietly, staring down at him with the saddest eyes he'd ever seen.

Something changed inside of him, and slowly she watched what it was like for someone's walls to crumble. He didn't say anything, but stood and dusted off his pants. She stared at him curiously, wondering what he'd do. He then looked into her eyes and she saw that familiar love, the one that had never really gone away. "It's right here," he said, and then leaned in to kiss her, leading her along the path that she'd never forget.


End file.
